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Nady Nadpigs can so fly!! i dont care what other people think about it but i know they can! June 18 My birthday17 but am i any better?
my birthday just passed. and im a year older. does this make anything in life any different than it was before? honestly, i think not. A challenge faced by most teens in the world: growth. Growing up is a hard thing, especially as more time passes by. we hope to get more matured and try real hard to be successful, but many do fail.
WELL... lets get a bit more happy here...right now, i wanna talk about the events that happen in favor of... *drum roll*.... me!hehehe... im kinda self absorbed at times.. do forgive me :P... anyways... people of the world... my birthday... 16 June.. many forgot it was my birthday and actually thought it was on the 17th... and to make things even more dissappointing, when i had my birthday party, a lot of people thought it was for my sister and not me.
The day of my birthday itself wasnt as fabulous as i thought it would be. i stayed over at my cousin's house considering the fact that my whole family was apart.My father was going to start his research on the 17th so he had to stay back in shanghai. my sister had to attned a conference. and my mom..,. well... i avoid my mom. so, yeah on the eve of my birthday, i was at my cousins and lamely enough, there was a blackout and i ended up spending four hours in the dark. to pass the time my cousin, pradheep, tried his levels best to teach me how to play the first part of Ronan Keeting's When you say nothing at all. amazingly, i got it.. with MANY setbacks. at midnight, the power came back and just in the nick of time! another cousin of mine, praveena surprised me with some candles at the time.. it was touching. althoguh my family wasnt around, my cousins made up for it.i was up in the night talking to my cousins until i finally fell asleep.
next morning, i get up at about 8.. yes people... EIGHT! i studied. once again people of the planet earth, as amazing as it sounds.. I STUDIED ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY! hahahha... i fooled around at my cousin's place and decided to help my aunt out in her moral classes. we had the kids make crowns for their dad's for fathers day.it was so cute.later in the night, i didnt do anything and actually had a nervous breakdown. i missed my dad loads and it was having a very bad impact on me. later, that night, and this is funny people.. brace yoursleves, i had people calling my at 12.00am on the 17th wishing me happy birthday! they thought my birthday was on the 17th! can you believe it??? i slept off of course and got up the next morning and started preparing for my birthday party. skipping all the boring details, ill just get into my party itself. the people who came: Myself, duh~!, my sister, praveena, pradheep,mitharan, nathasha, shohael, pheroz, sukhvir, sanjiv, taraz, and his friend, tanisha, diane, and loads of adults. the program? water balloon dodgeball! ill upload the pictures when i get them. it was absolute fun. we tried drenching one of my older cousins but failed miserably. my sister instead of hittting others with the water balloon had the tendency of bursting the balloon on her own self. and after three rounds of the game and around 200 water balloons later, all the youths grabbed me and held me down as they threw a whole bucket of water on me.
After that, there was just some random games and stuff. the presents were fabulous and u can say i got everything i wanted. money, gifts. everything. in the end, everythign turned out just right. June 09 oh, fishnets!crap. i'm all emo again. dont know why this time. im not myself no more. i guess all i want to write this time is something that kinda speaks to me... dont exactly know why, but it does:
"if I love you, i need not continually speak of my love - you will know without any words. on the other hand if i love you now, that also would you know - and you would not believe me, were i totell you in a thousand words, that i loved you."
It's pretty deep, but i think it says a lot, dont you? May 20 honesty, the best policyhonestly, i don't know what happening anymore. i've lost everything that i held dear to me.. it sucks. life is getting worst and worst. my dad used to tell me, there are three things to keep my mind focused on: my faith, my family and my studies.. lately, i've been ignoring all three. let me elaborate..
first.. my faith.
ever since i came back from shanghai, i've been trying to return back to my normal self, but its not really working. i got back into my religious activities.. but it doesnt feel really the same anymore. i still love doing all the stuff, its just, people are expecting more and more from me now. before, people just wanted me to do things and that was it. i do the job the best i can and --- its done. but since i came back, ive been taking in too much work and taking the fall for a lot of things. i and a few other youths organized an amazing race, and because of certain, issues... i get the blame for the lack of organization. i get the balme for the inperfections, but not a single thank you. i used 70 bucks on buying absolutely everything to make it the best possible.. but nothing. no thanks. no 'good job!' nothing. so u can say, lately, its gotten to me.. lately, i just dont feel like organizing anything. especailly when i know its me who will be yelled at if some thing goes wrong and not the people who are elder than me and are more responsible.
next, my family
things with my family is kinda messed up, like always. been fighting with my mom.. seeing my dad for only a week a month. having a lot of arguments with my sister. my school sent a letter to my home saying ive skipped more than two weeks int he past 5 months... i wanted to intercept the letter before it reached my parents so i could handle it myself.. my sister got it before i could, and she's threatening to tell my parents. i know its wrong.. but skipping skool is the only way i can get away from my parents for a few hours.; thankfully, now my mom is working.. and she,.... she;s a work-a-holic. she goes to work at 7 and comes home at 7.. soemtimes even at 10.. she cares more about her work than her own children., my opinion of course. my dad';s not gonna be back for my birhtday.. neither is my sister. i usually do somethng grand for my birhtday every year.. but this year.. i see no point. my own family isnt gonna be around, so whats the point.
finally, my studies
STUDIES. thats a word many refuse to mention. i hate my studies. i think everyone does. its not going well basically. i think i failed a few subjects again, and that aint nice. im not smart like how i used to be. sself confidence kinda got to me, making me study less and fool around more. just.. no mood lately.
anyways. guess life is gonna continue throwing hard balls at me and i think im gonna keep on missing. baseball is a funny thing. strike one. stirke two. strike three.. YOU'RE OUT! April 10 When the going gets toughlife is really terrible for me at the moment. everything i do seems to hurt others and i really dunno how to deal with it no longer. i used to have everything. but now, i have nothing. i had the best ppl in my life, but i just let them slip out of my fingers. i feel like shit cause i let something like that happen. normally, i would fight for what i believe in, but now i feel to tired and useless to do so. i know it sounds lame but thats my current situation. can u actually imagine, being in so much love with someone, but let them go because u had a lil doubts about how you feel? well i did. of course, now i realise my mistake. pity i couldnt see it earlier.
My studies are going downhill i think. im trying my best to cope, but i dont really think i can handle it. the worst part is, the one person i think who can help me is not allowed to. strange huh? i dont wanna go for tuitions cause that;ll just take over my whole life. i dont wanna ask help from my sister cause she will get a lil cocky. she thinks she's so smart sometimes. it bothers me so much.
My parents, well, acutally my mom in specific is making my life even more miserable. thank the lord she;s working now. i just wish she could stay in her office forever. haih.
Other than that, i think im losing all my friends. my attitude isnt exactly liked by many as it used to be. my change isnt accepted much, so i have to change myselof all over again, and through out the changing process, people are still complaining about how i am. i dunno.. its just so messed up, and im getting so pissed. everything i do is wrong. i hold some one's hand and its wrong, i sit alone in a room with a guy,its wrong. i talk to a guy the way i talk to all guys and its wrong. what can i do right?
Im just a breaking point now.. im skipping school occasionally and people dont like that either. i mean,m i understand people when they dont like it, but they dont know whats really going on beneath it all. they dont really wanna cut me slack. well, since i have a chance now, ill tell you why i do this whole skipping school thing: cause i have to. my parents scream and fight with me, i get so hot tempered at home that if i dont cactually go out of the hse, i will ACTUALLY hit someone, and i dont wanna physically hurt anyone. another reason is cause, even at school i get stressed. with the amount of homework, i will murder something. with mey relationship problems, i need a way to let my depression all out, and skipping school is actually my form of depression.
FACT: i come from a really conservative, protective family who's parents want theire kids to be perfect. i know a lot of ppl out there may be going through this same problem, and may say that skipping school is not the answer, but different people have different methods, and my method is this. im sorry for those out there who are reading this and care about me if ive offended them, but this is the only way i can express my self. please understnad. March 27 feelings let outheart breaking. Mind boggling. Depression mania i go through. Confusion. Loss. Emotional breakdown. Sorrow. Anguish. Why? Because of the man i love. i want him so bad but i can't have him. He makes my heart beat faster every time i hear his voice, everytime i feel his touch. He makes me a whole different person whenever he is near me. What love can do to a person is amazing. Your heart goes in overdrive. You don't think straight. You don't act yourself anymore. You feel like nothing matters unless you're in front of the person you love. You feel like no food can satisfy your hunger because all you yearn for is his love. Oh, love. The pain.The heartache.The misery.
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